The Cranky Critic: A New Column from Guest Blogger Gloria Loman

Alright, Booklanders: What dumbass editor bought Jon Gosselin's memoir?

I was stunned to pieces when our RBtL matriarch blogged that people were surprised Rob Lowe was actually writing his own memoir. What is it with the publishing industry sucking off the fame teet of every F-lister out there?

Granted, Lowe has had an actual career, and his past is rife with all kinds of juicy stories, but we're all shocked that he's writing his own book. I mean, the man knows how to read. Surely the man knows how to write...at least the basics. And I'm pretty sure a decent editor and a decent copyeditor could make the book readable. ... Oh God, I'm exhausted already.

Back to my point: Gosselin is no Lowe.

Not only has he not had the career--or any career for that matter--but he doesn't have the looks or the business savvy, and certainly doesn't have the mega super-star power team behind him that Lowe does.

According to RadarOnline.com, Jon Gosselin and his "life coach" Sylvia Lafair will be writing the book together. (Translation: Lafair will do all the work while Gosselin's off getting more stupid tattoos.) The book will be called A Slice of Life: Jon Gosselin's Story:

[The book] will tell Jon’s journey from being a relative unknown to reality TV patriarch and regular tabloid fodder.

Co-author Lafair, who takes Jon on soul searching missions into the mountains of Pennsylvania for $10,000, tells RadarOnline.com: “The book is about having eight kids all at once when he was under the age of 30.”

Now, allow me to translate...or maybe elaborate:

GOSSELIN: I got married too young. My wife wanted babies. We did the unnatural thing. We wound up with too many. We got on TV. It helped pay the bills. I have a bad attitude. I resented my wife. I can't handle my kids. I realized that I was suddenly famous. Young girls wanted to date me. My douchery came out. And I was proud of it. Now people hate me. And I'm trying to pretend that I've gotten my douchery under wraps in the hopes of regaining some level of notoriety again, other than being leveled with Michael Lohan. Now my reputation is in the proverbial shitter so I'm attempting to do what any other F-lister would do: write a book.

Barf, Booklanders. Barf!

I can't wait to see the intial Bookscan numbers on this bad boy...if it ever comes out!

I say it's damn time the book publishing industry stops buying and attempting to sell these pseudo-celebrity tabloid-fodder "memoirs." It's no wonder the industry is dying.

Ten bucks that says this book will hardly make back its production costs let alone its advance. Then again, people's sick fascinations might kick in. But will they buy it? Could Jon Gosselin have the Palin Going Rogue effect? Time will tell.

Now give us the Juice:

Do you know if or who bought this pitch? Or how much it went for? Tell us!

Are you the agent for this pitch? Defend it!

Got an opinion of your own? Preach it!

The Cranky Critic is Gloria Loman, a freelance writer who once worked in publishing. With her finger still firmly on the industry's pulse, she plans to bring you the juice as often as possible as well as all the opinions unfit to print. You can send tips to Gloria's attention at readingbtwthelines@gmail.com.